THE AUTHOR OF SOPA IS A COPYWRITE VIOLATOR

Read the Vice article, written by the awesomely named Jamie Lee Curtis Taete, here. She also wrote this.

UPDATE: Equally interested, if not more so, is Maddox’s take on SOPA. Maddox is the author of one of the greatest books of your boner’s life, The Alphabet of Manliness.

SKYFALL

Like most red-blooded American males I love James Bond because why wouldn’t most red-blooded American males love a death-defying, end-of-world thwarting, womanizing British spy? As most, I especially enjoyed the 2006 relaunch, Casino Royale, starring Daniel Craig as the well-dressed secret agent with a license to kill. In fact, I was even able to suspend disbelief and a convoluted, near nonsensical storyline long enough to enjoy the 2008 follow-up, Quantum of Solace.

2012 brings us another Bond, Skyfall, a name which many are up in arms over. Why? I don’t know. Sure, as titles go it’s no Casino Royale or Live and Let Die or even The Spy Who Loved Me but at least it’s not The Living Daylights, amiright? Then there’s the new Bond girl, Bérénice Marlohe, a beautiful French actress and I was kind of like, what are we talking about again? Oh, right, Skyfall. Yeah; all’s forgiven. Whatever the controversy or storyline, I’ll be there opening weekend.

THE CHOSEN ONE?

En route to my apartment, I was exchanging texts with my friend Tara about my new mix, Destroy The Night. Arriving at my building, I threw my phone in my coat pocket, got out of the car, and walked down the sidewalk where I passed a presumably homeless, crazy man who blurted out, “Even Billy Graham knows!” On the elevator ride up to my place I chatted with a local newscaster (who obviously lives in my building) about how ridiculous the weather is (where’s the snow?). Afterward, I unlocked my door, stepped inside, pulled out my phone expecting a text back from Tara only to find the word “Graham” in the text field. Underlined in blue dots. Unsent.

“Holy shit,” I thought. “How strange? How is that even possible? Did my fingers unconsciously write the word ‘Graham’ as the prophet passed? Am I the Chosen One?” Feverishly, I texted Tara about what had happened. We contemplated the meaning: How did it come to be? We speculated: Do I have an ancestor named ‘Graham’? Several texts and minutes later I looked down at my iPhone 4S and it dawned on me:

Siri.

I have yet to use Siri for anything*. To be completely honest, I’m afraid of Siri. One of the only things I’ve said to Siri since I’ve had this new phone is, “Open the pod bay doors, Siri,” to which she responded, “Ever so sorry… I’m not allowed to do that.” But, as any of you iPhone 4S owners might know, she is ridiculously easy to stimulate. Too easy. Too easy to mistakenly access, I’d say. I quickly realized, no, I was not the Chosen One. Billy Graham was not infiltrating my agnostic word; I was a victim of triggering Siri’s voice-text system, probably activating her as I threw my phone into my pocket while exiting a vehicle and extracting the sole word ‘graham’ from the crazy passerby.

Tara, who believes in paranormal activity and other random shit, and I had a good laugh about it. She thought it was a little sad that I had solved the Billy Graham mystery but, in our opinion, some great things came of it. Number one: After our exchange and a few mistypes we decided to inside-jokingly call my next mix: “Billy Graham (Tara McMullsey Food Mix)”. Number two: She gets to dictate what’s on it. Number three: Nine Inch Nails will be on it.

Sorry, Billy G.; I’m not the Messiah, but I’m going to do my best to make my friends some great mixes. In the coming year, I’ll even be making some original tracks and, best believe, a Taylor Swift remix. We have the tools, and we have the talent. It’s Miller time.

* I once used Siri to find a bar in Lafayette, Louisiana while standing in the parking lot of a Walmart.

CHRSWLKRVS’ TEN FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2011

10. JUSTICE | AUDIO VIDEO DISCO

The key to enjoying this album: Stop comparing it to †. It isn’t †. If anything it’s the anti-† and if you expected another †, well, why? That no one found this album as game-changing or as fun or as listenable as I did baffles me. Audio Video Disco is not like a MGMT-esque Congratulations what-the-fuck moment, it’s a perfect progression for a couple of guys who aspired for more (or maybe less) than bleeding synth and Daft Punk comparisons.

Favorite Tracks: “Horsepower”, “Canon”, “Audio, Video, Disco”

Watch “Audio, Video, Disco”

09. ARCTIC MONKEYS | SUCK IT + SEE

I didn’t like this album until I met a girl I could associate lyrics like “Makes me want to blow the candles out just to see if you glow in the dark,” and “That’s not a skirt, girl, that’s a sawn-off shotgun / and I can only hope you’ve got it aimed at me,” with. Our tryst may not’ve lasted long but my enjoyment of the songs remained.

Favorite Tracks: “The Hellcat Spangled Shalala”, “All My Own Stunts”, “Suck It + See”.

Watch “The Hellcat Spangled Shalala”

08. SBTRKT | SBTRKT

People went ape over “Wildfire”, Drake dropped a verse on the remix, but did you hear “Pharaohs”? That was the jam. Or how about “Ready Set Loop”? It sounded good with the BPM slowed down on a Rinse.FM set by SBTRKT, but at it’s proper 143 BPM it’s absolutely massive. I’ve always had a soft spot for UK Garage / 2-Step / Whatever you want to call it, and SBTRKT’s self-titled debut perfectly filled the niche.

Favorite Tracks: “Pharaohs”, “Ready Set Loop”, “Hold On”.

Watch “Wildfire”

07. WASHED OUT | WITHIN + WITHOUT

Evidently, Ernest Green legitimized or took “chillwave” to the next level with this album. Sure, why not? All I know is front-to-back Within + Without is great make out music, great breakup music, great morning drive music. There’s a reason the album cover is two people getting it on.

Favorite Tracks: “Soft”, “Far Away”, “You + I (Feat. Caroline Polachek)”.

Watch “Amor Fati”

06. HOLY GHOST! | HOLY GHOST!

This album took forever. “Hold On” dates back to 2007. “Say My Name” and “Static On The Wire” were on an EP almost a year-old when the self-titled debut finally hit shelves. And it’s not as if this album was highly anticipated but boy was it fun. Holy Ghost! just bopped and rolled throughout, nothing too serious (even when it got serious like on “Jam For Jerry”), just a good time. Tracks like “Wait + See”, “Hold My Breath”, and “Slow Motion” all got better with time. And how great is that Michael McDonald guest appearance?  It’ll still be played at parties in the coming new year and, as demonstrated by “Hold On”, some of these tracks will stand the test of time.

Favorite Tracks: “Wait + See” “Hold On”, “It’s Not Over”.

Watch “Wait + See”

05. JAMES BLAKE | JAMES BLAKE

Often after an album leaks the artist says something like, “It’s a shame because you’re not hearing the full experience.” In the past, I’ve thought, “Bullshit.” I’ve never heard a ripped copy of a Red Hot Chili Peppers album (post By The Way), compared it to the official release, and been like, “Whoa, I really was missing out.” Blake’s self-titled debut was an exception. The moment the sub-bass of “Unluck” shook my rental car on a trip through the rural farmlands of Idaho, I knew I was in for an experience I would’ve missed had I just listened to a low-bitrate rip on my laptop speakers. There’s so much going on under the surface. The sparsity, while perhaps initially boring, becomes necessary, kind of like it was on the xx’s debut. The breathing room takes on it’s own life and the magic comes from the carefully constructed sounds in-between. Not to mention, Blake did something Feist was unable to this year: make one of her songs exciting and listenable with his room-shaking rendition of “Limit To Your Love”.

Favorite Tracks: “Unluck”, “Lindisfarne I + II”, “Limit To Your Love”.

Watch “Limit To Your Love”

04. THE BLACK KEYS | EL CAMINO

The Black Keys and Dangermouse do it again. No one makes rock and roll anymore except for these guys.

Favorite Tracks: “Gold On The Ceiling”, “Little Black Submarines”, “Run Right Back”.

Watch “Lonely Boy”

03. REAL ESTATE | DAYS

“All those wasted miles / All those aimless drives through green aisles / Our careless life style / It was not so unwise / No.” That pretty much sums it up. Days wasn’t dynamic or a leap forward by any means but in similar fashion to Beach House, Real Estate took a solid formula and refined it. Real Estate, in their element, are flawless. Sometimes that’s enough.

Favorite Tracks: “Green Aisles”, “Out Of Tune”, “All The Same”.

Watch “It’s Real”

02. DRAKE | TAKE CARE

At seventeen tracks (not including bonus ones) and a play time of one-hour, nineteen-minutes, and forty-seconds, Take Care is way too long. But looking through the songs there’s not much to remove (“Practice” is a dud). Everything from “Over My Dead Body” to “The Ride” is remarkably solid. Sure, you could lose the terrible Birdman cameo but that’s about it. Unless you’re a “gangsta rap purist” (do those still exist?) you have to appreciate Drake’s multitude of influences and willingness to experiment. Aside from usual collaborator Noah “40” Shebib he worked with Jamie from the xx, The Weeknd, and someone I haven’t heard anyone mention: Chilly Gonzales (most often associated with Feist), who plays piano at the end of “Marvin’s Room”. I could get into Drake’s heart-on-his-diamond-encrusted-sleeve persona but that’s been covered a million times. Matter of fact is there’s no denying Take Care was one of the very best albums of the year. Not to mention, it boasts my favorite lyrics of all time: “I’m not conscious of making monsters out of the women I sponsor ‘til it all goes bad / But shit it’s all good.”

Favorite Tracks: “Take Care”, “Underground Kings”, “Marvin’s Room”.

Watch “Headlines”

01. NERO | WELCOME REALITY

These guys took a Hall + Oats’ sample and turned it into a post-dubstep torch song. They took The Jets’ “Crush On You” and turned into a dubstep anthem. Nearly all of the album’s fourteen tracks have been or could be hit singles. Girls in my office listen to “Promises” on their iPhones. Best Buy used “Me + You” in their multi-colored Beats By Dre commercial. Nero were able to crossover into pop territory and transcend genres while retaining a dark, menacing aesthetic that never sounded kitschy. Electronic music or otherwise, there was no better album this year.

Favorite Tracks: “My Eyes”, “Reaching Out”, “Promises”.

Watch “Reaching Out”


RECAP:
10. Justice | Audio Video Disco
09. Arctic Monkeys | Suck It + See
08. SBTRKT | SBTRKT
07. Washed Out | Within + Without
06. Holy Ghost! | Holy Ghost!
05. James Blake | James Blake
04. The Black Keys | El Camino
03. Real Estate | Days
02. Drake | Take Care
01. Nero | Welcome Reality

ADDITIONAL LISTS:
Ten Favorite Mixes of 2011
Ten Favorite EPs of 2011
Twenty Favorite Singles of 2011

DESTROY THE NIGHT

Oh, with all the end of year list stuff I didn’t mention this one, did I? The sequel to Up All Night: Destroy The Night. From what I’ve heard from my inner circle this one is a killer… and they harshly critique everything I do. It’ll be up before you know it. Cover photo graciously contributed by your favorite tattoo artist, Alivia.

CHRSWLKRVS’ TEN FAVORITE MIXES OF 2011

(In alphabetical order.)

Four Tet | Fabriclive 59
Listen + Buy Here or Here

Four Tet + Floating Points | Rinse.FM Mix (03.15.11)
Download

Jacques Renault | 8 Cities, 9 Days
Download

Jamie XX | FACT Mix 282
Download

LA Riots | Spring 2011 Mix
Download

Royal Sapien | Dive Bar
Listen + Buy Mixed + Unmixed

Russ Chimes | Expressway Mix (Part 3)
Download

SBTRKT | Rinse.FM Mix (06.28.11)
Download

Scuba | DJ-Kicks
Listen + Buy Mixed + Unmixed

Swedish House Mafia | Live At Madison Square Garden (12.16.11)
Download

CHRSWLKRVS’ TEN FAVORITE EPS OF 2011

(In alphabetical order.)

Alex Turner | Submarine
Listen + Buy

Burial | Street Halo
Listen + Buy

Dum Dum Girls | He Gets Me HIgh
Listen + Buy

Gemini | Graduation
Listen + Buy

Kill The Noise | Kill Kill Kill
Listen + Buy

Kito + Reija Lee | Sweet Talk
Listen + Buy

Manufactured Superstars | Freak On You
Listen + Buy

Porter Robinson | Spitfire
Listen + Buy

The Weeknd | House Of Balloons + Thursday + Echoes Of Silence
Download All

Xilent | Choose Me
Listen + Buy

CHRSWLKRVS’ TWENTY FAVORITE SINGLES OF 2011

(In alphabetical order. If I don’t specify where you can buy or download iTunes is your best bet.)

Avicii | Levels
Watch | Listen + Buy

The Bloody Beetroots | Church Of Noise (Feat. Dennis Lyxzen)
Watch | Listen + Buy

Rihanna + Calvin Harris | We Found Love
Watch

Dada Life | Happy Violence (Vocal Extended Mix)
Watch | Listen + Buy

Dillon Francis | I.D.G.A.F.O.S.
Listen + Buy

Diplo + Datsik | Pick Your Poison (Feat. Kay)
Listen + Buy

DJ Khalid | I’m On One (Feat. Drake + Lil Wayne + Rick Ross)
Watch

Fedde Le Grand | So Much Love
Watch | Listen + Buy

Frank Ocean | Novacane
Watch

James Blake | A Case Of You (Joni Mitchell Cover)
Watch

Joe Goddard | Gabriel (Feat. Valentina)
Listen + Buy

Kendrick Lamar | A.D.H.D.
Watch

Lil Wayne | She Will (Feat. Drake)
Listen

Memoryhouse | Modern, Normal
Download from Gorilla Vs. Bear

MSTRKRFT | Beards Again / Back In The USSA
Download

Neon Indian | Polish Girl
Watch | Download

The Rapture | How Deep Is Your Love?
Listen + Buy

Sebastian Ingrosso + Alesso | Calling
Listen + Buy

Swedish House Mafia | Save The World
Watch | Listen + Buy

Tyler, The Creator | Yonkers
Watch | Listen + Buy